"What if?" The Two Little Words That Make You Smarter (and Kinder to Yourself)

We’ve all been there - stuck in a mental loop, interrogating ourselves like we’re both detective and suspect:

“How is this problem affecting my work?”

“How is this setback shaping my mood?”

“How is this challenge impacting my relationships?”

Those “how” questions sound productive, but they’re sneaky. They keep you orbiting the problem instead of exploring the solution.

Enter the magic of the “What if” question.

When you swap How is X affecting Y? for What if X is affecting Y?, something shifts. “How” demands proof and often triggers judgment. “What if” invites curiosity and new possibilities.

Think about it:

“How is my lack of sleep affecting my performance?” → Cue defensiveness (“I’m fine!”) or guilt (“I know, I know, I should be better.”).

“What if my lack of sleep is affecting my performance?” → Now you’re in exploration mode (“Hmm… if that’s true, maybe I could try adjusting my bedtime this week.”).

The difference?

“How” assumes certainty and pressures you to explain yourself. “What if” creates space to imagine, experiment, and discover.

And here’s the thing—whether you’re coaching someone, exploring your own thinking, leading a team, parenting, or just having a conversation with another human—possibility is oxygen.

So, the next time your brain comes at you with “how,” try swapping in “what if” and see where it takes you. 

Next time you notice a “how” question looping in your head, flip it to “what if” and see what opens up. Spoiler alert: it’s usually somewhere better. It’s a small shift with a big payoff - turning pressure into possibility, and problems into experiments worth exploring.

​True Story: I’m an ICF Coach Mentor, and I’ve watched this tiny shift work wonders - for Coaches, Managers, Leaders, Parents, and honestly, anyone with a pulse who talks to other

humans.

-Amy Magyar, PCC & ICF Mentor Coach