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Hopefully you are here because you inhaled Part 1 and Part 2 in this series on learning to Respond vs. React...HOWEVER, you may have found yourself deep in reaction recently...Part 3 is here to help you navigate the moment after the moment—with courage, clarity, and zero shame spirals.
Does this sound familiar? You had the best intentions. You’ve been practicing the pause. You know the difference between reacting and responding. And then… boom. You snapped. The text got a little too spicy. The email had edge. You rolled your eyes in high-definition. So now what? This is the part no one likes to talk about—but where real growth lives. Not in never reacting again (spoiler: you will), but in what you do after you lose your cool. Here are some ideas to help you after you may have gone from response to react mode: 1. Interrupt the Spiral—Don’t Let Regret Run the Show First: Pause. Breathe. Don’t let your inner critic start narrating your downfall. Reacting doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re human. Don’t pile on the shame. Shame keeps you stuck; curiosity sets you free. Instead of “Why did I do that? I always do this.”, try: “What was going on in me that made that reaction feel necessary?” “Was I overwhelmed? Unclear? Trying to protect something?” Treat yourself like someone worth understanding—not scolding. 2. Own It—With Just Enough Detail Now comes the repair. The key: be real, not dramatic. Own your part without over-explaining or undercutting your intention. Keep it clean and clear:
Bonus: This models accountability without self-erasure. It tells others they can be human too—and that safety doesn’t require perfection. 3. Re-Center Before You Re-Engage Don’t jump straight from reaction to repair without checking in with yourself first. Even after apologizing, your nervous system might still be buzzing. Re-centering helps you return from defense to grounded presence. Otherwise, you’re just reacting...politely. Try:
You don’t have to be perfect to continue—you just have to be present. 4. Let It Teach You (Without Turning It Into a Personality Flaw) Every reaction holds a clue: to your values, your boundaries, your wounds, or your unmet needs. Instead of turning your reaction into a self-critique, turn it into self-inquiry. Ask:
5. Repair > Regret We all react. The question is: will you repair? Owning your impact, reconnecting to your intention, and choosing again—that’s where trust is built. That’s where maturity lives. That’s the practice. You don’t have to be flawless. You just have to keep showing up aware. You reacted. So what. Now respond. Respond with clarity. With compassion. With curiosity. You’re not back at square one—you’re deep in the work. Reacting isn’t the end of the story. The power is in the next moment—the one where you choose to repair instead of retreat, reconnect instead of recoil. You are not your reaction. You are the one who noticed. The one who chose again. That? That’s resilience. That’s self-leadership. That’s growth. -Recovering Reactionist, Amy Magyar, ICF Mentor Coach You’ve probably felt it before—that sudden rush of heat, the sharp retort forming, the inner monologue that sounds more courtroom than conversation. That’s a reaction.
If you read Part 1 of this series, you already know: Reacting is a reflex. Responding is a choice. But here’s the secret Part 1 didn’t fully unpack: You can’t make that choice unless you notice what’s happening in the first place. That flicker of awareness--“Wait, I’m about to lose it…”—is your access point to power. It’s the half-second where you can either hit “send” or back slowly away from the keyboard. And that moment? It’s not luck. It’s a skill. Let’s talk about how to catch reacting before it catches you. First, Know Your Tells You can’t intercept the punchline if you don’t see the setup. Reactions don’t just appear out of nowhere—they have a warm-up act. A tightening jaw. The urge to “educate” someone mid-meeting. That familiar internal monologue that starts with “Oh hell no…” These are your signals. Your nervous system is basically throwing you a pre-show announcement: “Buckle up—drama incoming.” Start by learning what your personal reaction runway looks like. Some usual suspects:
Ask yourself:
Second, Create Micro-Moments of PauseThe goal isn’t eternal Zen. It’s 10 seconds of sanity. Once you notice the spark, you don’t need a meditation retreat. You need a beat. A sliver of space. A moment to say, “Wait—do I want to go full drama here, or maybe just...not?” Think of it like hitting the “save draft” button on your nervous system. Ways to create a micro-pause:
o “Pause. Then choose.” o “I can respond, not react.” o “What is the truth?” The moment you notice and don’t override it? Boom. Pattern interrupted. Third, Normalize the Catch (Even Mid-Meltdown)Mid-sentence is not too late. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to be a monk to course-correct. You can pause mid-sigh, mid-snap, or even mid-sarcastic monologue and still salvage the moment. Most of us think: “Well, I already reacted, guess this is who I am now.” Not true. You can pivot anywhere in the sequence. Even better? You can call it out with honesty and a little grace. Try saying:
This not only changes the emotional tone of the interaction—it builds trust. It shows the other person (and yourself) that you’re willing to choose presence over performance, and connection over control. Reacting doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human. Catching it? That’s the flex. That’s what turns autopilot into intentionality. Every time you notice—mid-eye-roll, mid-overexplaining, mid-email-draft—you reclaim your agency. And over time, the noticing gets faster, the pausing gets easier, and the responses get clearer. Noticing is the work. Choosing again is the practice. And that practice? That’s how you lead, with clarity, not chaos. Coming next: Part 3—what to do when you’ve already reacted and want to repair, re-center, or not spiral into self-blame. -Amy Magyar, PCC, ICF Mentor Coach (and Recovering Reactor!) If there’s one foundational shift I encourage my clients to make that literally changes their lives (and my own), it’s this:
Learn to respond instead of react. This single choice can redefine your leadership, your relationships, your inner peace—and your energy. I have learned to choose presence over impulse. And I save energy and a TON of wasted time pretending I can read minds. Because what I am reacting to, often, is not what is really happening. Responding is intentional. It’s the moment you mentally tap the brakes and ask, “What is the truth in this situation?” It invites clarity. It gives your higher self a seat at the table. It’s where real growth and grounded action happen. Reacting, in contrast, is when the body hijacks the moment. Emotions surge. The nervous system overrides reason. You speak or act without pausing—and often regret it later. It’s draining, not just emotionally, but energetically. I’ve had to learn (and re-learn) this lesson personally. There was a moment in my life—one I won’t forget that was the turning point from me—someone VERY close to me said something that cut deep. It wasn’t just the words; it was what they triggered. Old wounds. Stories I thought I had healed. My body reacted instantly: tight chest, heat behind the eyes, a wave of emotion rushing in. Everything in me wanted to lash out. Defend. Shut down. Prove something. But something inside me whispered, “Wait.” So I stepped away. Breathed. Sat with the discomfort. And I asked myself the question that’s become an anchor: “What is the truth here?” The truth was: I was hurt. Not because of what was said—but because of what it touched in me. The truth was: reacting would only create more disconnection. The truth was: I had a choice. That moment changed me. In high-pressure moments, it’s tempting to let reaction win. But choosing to respond instead? That’s where true power lives. It’s not about being passive—it’s about being present. This is the work: creating space between the trigger and the choice. That space is everything. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor E. Frankl Reacting is easy. Responding is self- leadership. If you're done being pulled by urgency and ready to lead with clarity and intention, let’s talk. We’d be honored to hold space for you in a complimentary exploratory session. Join me next week for 3 practical tips on how to start responding instead of reacting. Small shifts. Big results. -Amy Magyar, PCC, ICF Mentor Coach |
AuthorThe authors of these blogs include incredible Coaches and Writers at FromWithin Coaching who are inspired to share their thoughts, ideas, comments, and possibilities with YOU, the reader. Archives
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