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Hopefully you are here because you inhaled Part 1 and Part 2 in this series on learning to Respond vs. React...HOWEVER, you may have found yourself deep in reaction recently...Part 3 is here to help you navigate the moment after the moment—with courage, clarity, and zero shame spirals.
Does this sound familiar? You had the best intentions. You’ve been practicing the pause. You know the difference between reacting and responding. And then… boom. You snapped. The text got a little too spicy. The email had edge. You rolled your eyes in high-definition. So now what? This is the part no one likes to talk about—but where real growth lives. Not in never reacting again (spoiler: you will), but in what you do after you lose your cool. Here are some ideas to help you after you may have gone from response to react mode: 1. Interrupt the Spiral—Don’t Let Regret Run the Show First: Pause. Breathe. Don’t let your inner critic start narrating your downfall. Reacting doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re human. Don’t pile on the shame. Shame keeps you stuck; curiosity sets you free. Instead of “Why did I do that? I always do this.”, try: “What was going on in me that made that reaction feel necessary?” “Was I overwhelmed? Unclear? Trying to protect something?” Treat yourself like someone worth understanding—not scolding. 2. Own It—With Just Enough Detail Now comes the repair. The key: be real, not dramatic. Own your part without over-explaining or undercutting your intention. Keep it clean and clear:
Bonus: This models accountability without self-erasure. It tells others they can be human too—and that safety doesn’t require perfection. 3. Re-Center Before You Re-Engage Don’t jump straight from reaction to repair without checking in with yourself first. Even after apologizing, your nervous system might still be buzzing. Re-centering helps you return from defense to grounded presence. Otherwise, you’re just reacting...politely. Try:
You don’t have to be perfect to continue—you just have to be present. 4. Let It Teach You (Without Turning It Into a Personality Flaw) Every reaction holds a clue: to your values, your boundaries, your wounds, or your unmet needs. Instead of turning your reaction into a self-critique, turn it into self-inquiry. Ask:
5. Repair > Regret We all react. The question is: will you repair? Owning your impact, reconnecting to your intention, and choosing again—that’s where trust is built. That’s where maturity lives. That’s the practice. You don’t have to be flawless. You just have to keep showing up aware. You reacted. So what. Now respond. Respond with clarity. With compassion. With curiosity. You’re not back at square one—you’re deep in the work. Reacting isn’t the end of the story. The power is in the next moment—the one where you choose to repair instead of retreat, reconnect instead of recoil. You are not your reaction. You are the one who noticed. The one who chose again. That? That’s resilience. That’s self-leadership. That’s growth. -Recovering Reactionist, Amy Magyar, ICF Mentor Coach You’ve probably felt it before—that sudden rush of heat, the sharp retort forming, the inner monologue that sounds more courtroom than conversation. That’s a reaction.
If you read Part 1 of this series, you already know: Reacting is a reflex. Responding is a choice. But here’s the secret Part 1 didn’t fully unpack: You can’t make that choice unless you notice what’s happening in the first place. That flicker of awareness--“Wait, I’m about to lose it…”—is your access point to power. It’s the half-second where you can either hit “send” or back slowly away from the keyboard. And that moment? It’s not luck. It’s a skill. Let’s talk about how to catch reacting before it catches you. First, Know Your Tells You can’t intercept the punchline if you don’t see the setup. Reactions don’t just appear out of nowhere—they have a warm-up act. A tightening jaw. The urge to “educate” someone mid-meeting. That familiar internal monologue that starts with “Oh hell no…” These are your signals. Your nervous system is basically throwing you a pre-show announcement: “Buckle up—drama incoming.” Start by learning what your personal reaction runway looks like. Some usual suspects:
Ask yourself:
Second, Create Micro-Moments of PauseThe goal isn’t eternal Zen. It’s 10 seconds of sanity. Once you notice the spark, you don’t need a meditation retreat. You need a beat. A sliver of space. A moment to say, “Wait—do I want to go full drama here, or maybe just...not?” Think of it like hitting the “save draft” button on your nervous system. Ways to create a micro-pause:
o “Pause. Then choose.” o “I can respond, not react.” o “What is the truth?” The moment you notice and don’t override it? Boom. Pattern interrupted. Third, Normalize the Catch (Even Mid-Meltdown)Mid-sentence is not too late. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to be a monk to course-correct. You can pause mid-sigh, mid-snap, or even mid-sarcastic monologue and still salvage the moment. Most of us think: “Well, I already reacted, guess this is who I am now.” Not true. You can pivot anywhere in the sequence. Even better? You can call it out with honesty and a little grace. Try saying:
This not only changes the emotional tone of the interaction—it builds trust. It shows the other person (and yourself) that you’re willing to choose presence over performance, and connection over control. Reacting doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human. Catching it? That’s the flex. That’s what turns autopilot into intentionality. Every time you notice—mid-eye-roll, mid-overexplaining, mid-email-draft—you reclaim your agency. And over time, the noticing gets faster, the pausing gets easier, and the responses get clearer. Noticing is the work. Choosing again is the practice. And that practice? That’s how you lead, with clarity, not chaos. Coming next: Part 3—what to do when you’ve already reacted and want to repair, re-center, or not spiral into self-blame. -Amy Magyar, PCC, ICF Mentor Coach (and Recovering Reactor!) If there’s one foundational shift I encourage my clients to make that literally changes their lives (and my own), it’s this:
Learn to respond instead of react. This single choice can redefine your leadership, your relationships, your inner peace—and your energy. I have learned to choose presence over impulse. And I save energy and a TON of wasted time pretending I can read minds. Because what I am reacting to, often, is not what is really happening. Responding is intentional. It’s the moment you mentally tap the brakes and ask, “What is the truth in this situation?” It invites clarity. It gives your higher self a seat at the table. It’s where real growth and grounded action happen. Reacting, in contrast, is when the body hijacks the moment. Emotions surge. The nervous system overrides reason. You speak or act without pausing—and often regret it later. It’s draining, not just emotionally, but energetically. I’ve had to learn (and re-learn) this lesson personally. There was a moment in my life—one I won’t forget that was the turning point from me—someone VERY close to me said something that cut deep. It wasn’t just the words; it was what they triggered. Old wounds. Stories I thought I had healed. My body reacted instantly: tight chest, heat behind the eyes, a wave of emotion rushing in. Everything in me wanted to lash out. Defend. Shut down. Prove something. But something inside me whispered, “Wait.” So I stepped away. Breathed. Sat with the discomfort. And I asked myself the question that’s become an anchor: “What is the truth here?” The truth was: I was hurt. Not because of what was said—but because of what it touched in me. The truth was: reacting would only create more disconnection. The truth was: I had a choice. That moment changed me. In high-pressure moments, it’s tempting to let reaction win. But choosing to respond instead? That’s where true power lives. It’s not about being passive—it’s about being present. This is the work: creating space between the trigger and the choice. That space is everything. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor E. Frankl Reacting is easy. Responding is self- leadership. If you're done being pulled by urgency and ready to lead with clarity and intention, let’s talk. We’d be honored to hold space for you in a complimentary exploratory session. Join me next week for 3 practical tips on how to start responding instead of reacting. Small shifts. Big results. -Amy Magyar, PCC, ICF Mentor Coach  In a recent virtual event hosted by FromWithin Coaching, Leadership Coaches, Lu Setnicka and Augusta Good shared invaluable insights on navigating 'hard' communications within organizations. The event, attended by leaders of all levels of experience, from a global organization with diverse backgrounds, delved into the intricacies of addressing challenging topics with employees.
Key Takeaways: Cultivating Empathy: The coaches emphasized the importance of approaching hard conversations with empathy and courage. Understanding the perspectives and emotions of employees lays the foundation for constructive dialogue. Clear Communication Strategies: FromWithin Coaching advocates for clear and transparent communication. Setting expectations, providing context, and being explicit in conveying messages can mitigate misunderstandings. Psychological Safety: Lu Setnicka and Augusta Good highlighted the significance of ensuring that psychological safety is in place to ensure success during tough conversations. Creating a space where employees feel heard and safe contributes to building trust and fostering open communication. Constructive Feedback: The event explored techniques for delivering constructive feedback effectively. The coaches shared practical tips on framing feedback in a way that promotes growth rather than demoralization. Attendees of the large virtual event praised the practicality of the advice shared by Lu and Augusta. Many expressed newfound confidence in approaching difficult conversations, armed with the tools provided during the session. We are grateful for the organization opening up their event to us and we look forward to continuing the learning with them! As organizations evolve, effective communication remains a cornerstone of success, and FromWithin Coaching stands at the forefront, empowering leaders to communicate with empathy, clarity, and confidence. As the owner of FromWithin Coaching, I am in constant awe of the work that organizations are willing to do, and for my Coaches who help them navigate the change they seek! What are you ready for? -Amy Magyar, PCC  As an Executive/Leadership/Career Coach at FromWithin Coaching, I enjoy collaborating with my clients on a variety of topics. A recent exchange caused me to think about how to best support a client moving from a tactical, managerial role to a strategic, leadership role; what's the difference and what will she face?
In doing some research, I came across a 2001 HBR article written by renowned Harvard Business School professor John Kotter, "What Leaders Really Do (see link below)." Here's what jumped out for me: "Management is about coping with complexity." "Leadership, by contrast, is about coping with change." So true. For any of you who have been in either role, you are no doubt nodding your head in agreement. If you're struggling with being a manager or a leader, or moving from one to the other, consider setting up an Exploratory Session with me (30 minutes - Free!) and we'll have a chance to dive deeper: https://lnkd.in/gyhfvGGA To learn more from Dr. Kotter, here's a link to the article I reference above: https://lnkd.in/gGdJhC8v Remember, we're all leaders , even if we don't have that specific word in our job description - always show up as your best self! -Lu Setnicka Our in-house resume writer, C. Jane Taylor was a Strengths doubter. Now that she embraces her Strengths, she’s happier and more fulfilled. You can be, too!
Join her and Coach Mary McClements for a two-hour Strengths workshop tailored to Women Over 50, September 27 starting at 12pm EST. https://fromwithincoaching.com/womenover50cliftonstrengthsevent.html.   As women, we often feel pressure to conform to certain expectations and roles. Society tells us how we should behave, what we should be interested in, and what we should strive for. But in reality, every woman is unique, with her own set of strengths, passions, and goals.
That's where the CliftonStrengths assessment comes in. Developed by the Gallup organization, Clifton Strengths, also known as StrengthsFinder, is a tool designed to help individuals identify their unique strengths and talents. By understanding our strengths, we can better understand how we are naturally wired and how we can use our strengths to excel in our personal and professional lives. So why is this especially important for women? By understanding and leveraging our strengths, we can focus on what we are naturally good at and pursue opportunities that align with them. This can lead to increased job satisfaction and career success, as we are more likely to feel energized and engaged in work that utilizes our strengths. Identifying our strengths can also help us communicate more effectively with others and build stronger relationships. When we know what we are naturally good at, we can more easily delegate tasks and collaborate with others. This can be especially helpful in the workplace, where understanding our strengths can help us navigate office politics and build strong, productive teams. But the benefits of understanding our strengths go beyond the workplace. By focusing on our unique abilities and passions, we can lead more fulfilling and meaningful lives. We can pursue hobbies and activities that bring us joy and use our strengths to make a positive impact on the world. So if you're a woman looking to thrive in your personal and professional life, consider taking the CliftonStrengths assessment. Understanding and leveraging your unique abilities can lead to a more fulfilling and successful life. Embrace your strengths and let them guide you on your journey to greatness! And if you are a Woman over 50, consider joining us May 23rd for a chance to learn about your Strengths in a community setting: https://fromwithincoaching.com/may23.html And make sure you sign up for our emails to learn about upcoming Strengths Events coming to FromWithin Coaching by emailing us at [email protected]! - Coach Megan Flanagan  "To Know Thyself is the Beginning of All Wisdom." -Socrates The journey inward to find one’s true self is one of life’s most rewarding undertakings. As a Self-Leadership coach for FromWithin Coaching’s Women Over 50 What’s Next Program, I am passionate about supporting women as they begin this journey of self-discovery and for many of us, the return to self. In my early 50’s, I was at a very uncomfortable crossroad in my life. I was stuck. I find many of my clients come to me also stuck and:
If you are a 50 something woman and this sounds like you, know that you are not alone. When we focus on our Strengths, our doubts take a back seat. The team at FromWithin Coaching is here to help you take a step into developing the self-awareness necessary to boldly take aligned and meaningful action in this next chapter of life. And put those doubts where they belong...in the back seat. On November 10, 2022 we are hosting a Clifton Strengths live Zoom event for Women Over 50. Research indicates that finding and understanding your Strengths has been proven to increase self-awareness, self-confidence and self-trust. We are able to tap into our inherent creativity and make better decisions that are more in line with our true needs and talents. Understanding our Strengths helps us increase communication skills and form better relationships. Come join us our community of like-minded women as we share this time together. There will be opportunities for laser coaching and for a follow up coaching session if you choose. Details are below! I hope to see you there, Coach Augusta Good WOMEN OVER 50: WHAT’S NEXT?
CliftonStrengths 2-hour Zoom Event November 10, 2022 12 pm EST/9 am PST  About 5 years ago, I got tired of trying to fit myself into a box that I created. It looked something like the photo above... Though this fella looks fairly comfortable, I was not. I was cranky and tired and angry and overweight. I was short-tempered with my kids and even though I wanted to take care of myself on weekends and go for hikes, do fun things, and create art, I was utterly drained by my work week and unable to enjoy myself or my kids. The box I created was partially made of the need to prove to my father that I was a valuable human in this world by doing what he approved of (yup, even in my late 40s!) rather than what I wanted, and fear. I had built a massive fear box. You see, like many humans, we have strengths and interests that bring us an enormous amount of joy, but these strengths often get tampered down by society or by our families who generally have the best of intentions, but their fear gets in the way and is what encourages them to tell us what we ‘should’ do in our lives….and we sometimes believe it. I was a joyful child of dreams, ideas, and creativity. I was always thinking up new games and creating secret forts in the woods which of course were all wrapped into a giant web of stories of protecting the land from made-up enemies. I was always starting a new project and I always had a pencil in my hand designing my future homes….er uhhhh….castles and dreaming up plans and businesses for my life. At one point I was going to become a dolphin trainer and bring inner city kids to experience their gentle beauty (no idea how…I didn’t live by the ocean….I mean I was only 9). Some called me flighty, a space cadet, or in the clouds. I went to art school and then got a master’s in education taking me closer and closer to the ‘should’. Life took some unplanned and traumatic turns, and I made choices so that I could feed my children as a single mom while slowly building my fear box. AND THEN….AND THEN….I took the CliftonStrengths Assessment and the world opened up to me! My strengths validated me and the ways that I thought and went about my days. I realized why it was so easy for me to see patterns and connect the dots in ways that many others couldn’t. Finally, I knew in my core that it was ok to be dreamy, full of ideas, positive, and always ready to try something new because my top CliftonStrengths are: 1. Ideation 2. Positivity 3. Strategic (seeing patterns and connecting dots) 4. Futuristic 5. Adaptability Once I took a deep dive into what my strengths meant and what happens when you’re not using them (cranky and tired and angry and drained), my life changed. I am not joking. I got out of a soul-sucking work situation, that paid well but was killing me, knowing that I’d land on my feet because I always had I just was unable to see that because I had built my fear box out of bricks. Understanding that my different interests, dreams, and strengths changed from something I was ashamed of to my superpower. I became a career and trauma coach, refurbished my garage into my art studio, and with the energy I had from doing what I truly wanted and not doing what I didn’t want to do in the first place, I started hiking, running, and playing sports again. My kids were happier because I was happier. Yep, I still am always thinking of what’s next, creating proverbial forts wound up in storylines, being creative in my studio and in the world of podcasting, and I invite all women over 50 to allow their strengths to change their lives if they want, or to simply feel the stunning validation that CliftonStrengths can offer you to get you out of your brick box. - Coach Mary  WOMEN OVER 50: WHAT’S NEXT?
CliftonStrengths 2-hour Zoom Event November 10, 2022 12 pm EST/9 am PST  Are you familiar with the phrase, “hitting your stride?” What does that mean to you? For many women, they are just hitting their respective strides, both personally and professionally, when they are also just hitting their 50’s, 60’s, and on into their 70’s. Unfortunately, for some, that stride, described by the dictionary as “to walk with long steps, as with vigor…,” is tentative, unsure, and maybe more like a slow, plodding cadence. Certainly not vigorous, maybe more like going through the motions. At FromWithin Coaching, we want all Women Over 50 to stride boldly and with confidence. To help make that happen, we’re offering a special 2-hour event on November 10 th : “Women Over 50: What’s Next?” Because we know there’s a “next;” and we want any woman over 50 to fully embrace that “next” with energy, knowledge, and awareness of their talents…their Strengths. By using the CliftonStrengths assessment, participants will learn more about what they excel at and how they can leverage that information to enliven their pace and embrace the future. Life is too short to go through the world without ever experiencing hitting your stride. Join us for two hours to invigorate your trajectory and blast you off into your optimal future, whatever that may be. Wherever you’re headed, with your Strengths in your pocket, you’ll be striding boldly forward, embracing the decades ahead. The link listed below has information about the event, how to register, and the cost (very reasonable!) -Coach Lu Setnicka WOMEN OVER 50: WHAT’S NEXT?
CliftonStrengths 2-hour Zoom Event November 10, 2022 12 pm EST/9 am PST |
AuthorThe authors of these blogs include incredible Coaches and Writers at FromWithin Coaching who are inspired to share their thoughts, ideas, comments, and possibilities with YOU, the reader. Archives
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